


It's Okay.

by reminiscingintherain



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: I apologise if this offends anyone, I have no idea, I literally just rattled it out, This came out of nowhere, but this is my head, this is my way of dealing I guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-09-07 21:52:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8817553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reminiscingintherain/pseuds/reminiscingintherain
Summary: This is sad and depressing but it wouldn't leave me alone and I had to write it out.Please please respect all of the families while they deal with their grief.And of course, don't give any of them the link to this.





	

It was getting harder to watch. The hospital bed seemed to be getting bigger, while Jay was getting smaller. They were all there; the family had gathered, knowing the end was rapidly approaching.

"I'm going to see you sing," she kept insisting to Louis. "I promised. I want to be here."  
"I know, Mum," he kept replying, holding her hand gently, closing his eyes so he didn't have to see the starkness of her veins beneath her paper-thin skin.

He knew he was going to have to be the one to tell her to let go. She was so tired, more and more cells of her body turning on her and trying their best to dull her shine and sparkle. The periods of alertness were diminishing, and the time she was asleep was lengthening, and no amount of him singing to her softly was going to make it any easier.

"It's got to come from you, Lou," Lottie said to him one afternoon, as they both sat by their mum's bedside. "She won't listen to anyone else. Not me, not Fiz, not Dan, not even Grandad. It has to be you."  
"I know, Lotts," Louis murmured. "I'll talk to her later. When she's awake. When everyone's here."  
"Thank you," his little sister whispered, looking so much older than her 19 years.

That evening, all of the family were surrounding Jay, taking it in turns to tell her quietly about their days. Lottie had Doris on her lap, while Fizzy kept Ernest entertained, as Phoebe and Daisy spoke of school and Christmas. Louis was curled up on the bed on one side of Jay, his head resting on her shoulder as she weakly played with his hair and leaned against Dan on her other side.

Louis glanced over at Harry, who was sat quietly beside the bed, listening to the twins' talking, adding in the occasional comment, his hand resting on Louis' ankle supportively. Feeling his gaze, and knowing what Louis was intending to say, Harry squeezed gently.

"Mum?" Louis asked a while later, when there was a lull in conversation.  
"Yes, poppet?" Jay murmured.  
"I know you want to hold on, I know it's getting harder for you, I..." he stuttered to a halt, blinking quickly and swallowing hard.  
"Boo..." she whispered.  
"No, Mum," he sat up a little, gaining strength from the encouraging looks he was getting from his family around him. "It's okay. We'll all be okay. We've got each other. You've taught us the most important things. We all love you so much, and it's getting harder for us to see you in so much pain."  
"I'm okay yet," Jay tried insisting.  
"Mum, we're just... **I'm** just saying, that it's okay," he said softly, gazing at her. "It's okay to let go. We'll miss you so much, and we all love you, but it's okay."  
"Boo," Jay looked back at her eldest steadily as her eyes filled with tears. "I want to be there, darling..." she choked out.  
"I know, Mum," he replied. "We all know that you want to be there forever, we know that."  
"It's okay," Dan interjected softly. "It's going to be okay, love. We'll be okay."  
"You've been so strong for us, Mum," Louis added. "It's time for us to be strong for you."

Jay looked around at her family, seeing nothing but love on their faces. She knew she had tried to do right by each and every one of them. She had tried impart the importance of love and kindness and charity, and most importantly, family.

Over the years, she'd done things that she never would have imagined that she could under normal circumstances, simply because her children needed it from her. And she knew that each and every one of them appreciated every single thing. There had been fights and arguments and tantrums and bickering over the years, but ultimately, they were a solid unit; mother and children. The thought of leaving them behind terrified her, not because of where she was going, but with how they were going to handle her absence in their lives.

She remained quiet and reflective as the evening continued on, watching as they all interacted together, only occasionally throwing a loving smile in her direction. The time came for the babies to be taken to their beds, and Jay took a deep breath as she gazed at them. Her surprise babies, the ones she never expected to have, the bright lights of positivity in the darkness that's surrounded her family in recent years.

"Thank you," she whispered to them both, as she kissed first Doris, and then Ernest. "Good night my loves, I'll see you again soon. Love you always."

Jay smiled tiredly at her older twins, as they were leaving as well, to get the babies into bed and get some sleep before they saw their tutors the next day. She held each of them as tightly as she was able to manage, whispering words of love and gratitude against their ears, before bidding them goodnight as they took the babies out of the room.

"Sally's taking them back," Dan murmured against her head. "The rest of us will stay with you tonight."

Jay nodded slowly, waiting for the sound of footsteps and quiet chatter to fade away down the corridor. She gazed around the room, at Lottie and Fizzy quietly teasing each other in the corner - bringing on the memory of them doing the exact same ten years ago as little girls. She was fiercely proud of the strong, independent young women they were growing into.

Her attention turned to Dan, her soulmate. Some might say she found him too late, but she thought they'd found each other at the right time. She couldn't imagine her life, or any of her babies' lives, without him in it now. She was glad and relieved to be leaving him with them, knowing that his strength will help them get through the pain of their loss.

Jay looked around further, a smile slowly spreading over her face as she took in her eldest; her rock, her best friend, and the one she was most proud of, her Louis. He was sat on the bed next to her, but his attention was held by his own soulmate, her son-in-law. Harry. She was so happy and grateful that Louis had such a strong partner to lean on. Louis was her star, and she dreaded the thought that her death would temper that sparkle, would impede his potential, and would stop him striving even further for his dreams. One of her few regrets about leaving this life now was that she wouldn't see her boy living his life openly and fully, that she wouldn't be there for his future, but she was reassured knowing that she was leaving him in the safest hands possible.

A soft sigh escaped her lips as she came to the realisation that she was at peace with what was to come.

She knew that her family would be safe.  
They would be loved.  
They were strong.  
They would hold on.

She smiled and closed her eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Rebloggable tumblr post [here](https://reminiscingintherain.tumblr.com/post/154346096940/its-okay-by-reminiscingintherain-rating-g).


End file.
